The Beginners Guide To GenCon

What is GenCon?

GenCon is the greatest convention in the world. For four magical wonderful super hot days in August, people from all over the world ascend to the small sleepy village of Indianapolis, Indiana to play board games, test board games, and if they can budget it between hotel rooms and food, buy new games. It's a place where board game companies and players interact.

It's also one of the biggest board game conventions ever. There are several smaller ones throughout the year that happen all over the world but GenCon is the biggest. Each year, the number of attendees triple so by 2020, they estimate 900 gazillion people will show up, which is a feat itself since there's only 7.1 billion people on the planet.

But for people who've never been to a board game convention, or any convention really, it can be overwhelming. What do you do first? How do you plan your day? How do I not spend all my money on Day 1 and spend the next three turning tricks on the corner so you can buy One Night Ultimate Mummy with the Cthulu expansion?

That's where I come in! This year will be my 4th year going so clearly I'm an expert on this. I was once like you, a noob wondering the convention floor, sweat dripping from your neck, trying to look at the pretty women cosplayers in the eye instead of...elsewhere. I'm gonna tell you all the stuff you need to know so you can survive the best four days of gaming ever!

What Do I Need To Bring?

Your wallet, a bottomless pit of a bank account, comfortable shoes, a backpack, three more backpacks, an iron stomach, the ability to handle bad smells, a can-do attitude, and patience. Lots and lots of patience. I would say condoms if you're a dude but there's exactly two type of women at GenCon:
1. One's with boyfriends/girlfriends
2. One's not interested in you.

And that's OK. Just shut up, keep your hands to yourself, and move on.

What Does GenCon Stand For?

It's short for Generally There's A Lot Of People At This Convention. They shortened it back in 1987.

I've Arrived In Indianapolis, How Do I Get There?

If you're not lucky like me and don't live in the city the con takes place in, you are most likely flying in. You're probably also driving in, in which case use GPS to get you there. But for you people cashing in your frequent flyer miles so the flight will be one less expense, you're in luck! The road the airport is on (more or less) is on the same street that takes you there! Just go down it for about 20-30 minutes and you'll be in beautiful Downtown Indianapolis!

But if you see Homeless Willy sitting outside an abandoned K-Mart trying to sell his used condoms, you've gone the wrong way. Quickly turn around before Willy gets mad that you're not giving him money and he flings the condom at you.

Now, if you see Homeless Billy sitting outside an abandoned CVS selling sweat socks full of jizz, congratulations! You've made it to beautiful Downtown Indianapolis! Quick, get into the convention center before Billy throws that sock!!

Welcome to Indianapolis, I'll be your tour gui-JIMMY CARTER DID 9/11!!!!

It's Wednesday Night, What Do I Do?

There are some GenCon events scheduled for Wednesday night. A lot of it isn't official stuff. But if you didn't get tickets for these events, there's plenty of things to do and see! I recommend White River State Park which is connected to what we locals call The Canal. You can take a walk. Or you can walk around Monument Circle and pay your respect to fallen soldiers. I think that's what that thing is. I dunno.

If you're hungry, you're in luck! There's a buttload of restaurants. I recommend Scotty's Brewhouse, Rock Bottom, St. Elmo's if you're feeling fancy, or there's a pretty decent Subway that'll automatically give you double meat on all your sandwiches because the workers there don't give a fuck!

But I Don't Have My Badge Yet, I Have It At Will Call

Oh, in that case, you'll be in line the rest of Wednesday and possibly until Thursday. I hope you can sleep standing up!

Now It's Thursday! Where Do I Go?

The doors to the exhibition hall, the place you buy the games, doesn't open until 10AM. Behind those plain beige doors and some volunteer who doesn't know what convention this is (she probably thinks it has something to do with actual boards, like "all these people must REALLY love wood or something!") are all types of new and amazing board games and you MUST BE THE FIRST PERSON TO GET IT NOW!! The problem is 200 million other people want that same game and you're smack dab in the middle of the biggest crowd you've ever seen. There's so many people there that you can fit 2 Trump Inaugurations inside. Maybe 3.

Anyway, right before the doors open at 10, some volunteers who sort of understand what this convention is ("this is a video game convention? Why don't I see Sony here?") will come out and give you some rules. Unfortunately, they don't have microphones or bullhorns so only the first 20 people in front hear these rules. The other 900 thousand people in the back can't hear shit.

The rules are:
1. No running
2. No pushing
3. No shoving
4. No tripping
5. Don't feed them after Midnight
6. Don't get them wet.

I think I got their rules mixed up with the rules for how to raise a Gremlin, but whatever. If you break ANY of these rules, they will arrest you and put you in a small room where you'll be forced to play nothing but Candy Land all four days. And they'll take pictures of you and post them on all social media.

Ok, so the doors open and you quickly walk. You think you have the exhibit hall map memorized but once you see the actual booths, you'll go "Where the fuck am I?!" and end up in that weird corner of the hall where all they sell is leather pants and ruby encrusted jock straps. If you end up here, you might as well give up on that game you wanted because the publisher only bought 3 copies for all four days and they'll sell out in .0000001 seconds.

If somehow you don't get lost and you make it to the booth, you'll have to stand in ANOTHER line but this time you're put in a lottery. And here you'll find out that this publisher only bought 25 games and hey, you're number 26. Sorry. Maybe it'll be on sale on eBay later tonight.

I Bought My Games, Now What?

Depends. Did you come by yourself? If so, just walk the hall and check out each booth. You can split this up between all 4 days because there's a lot to see. You can check out all the small games that couldn't afford advertisting on BoardGameGeek. Sometimes the designers of these games are there and you can meet them and get an autograph (for 25 bucks) or you can do what I like to do: people watch.

You see all types of interesting people. My favorite are the cosplayers. They put in so much effort into their costumes that it makes you say "Who are they suppose to be?" But still, I like the cosplayers. Also, make sure you get their permission before you take their picture. Almost all of them are cool about having their pictures taken but you gotta ask first. (I know this has mainly been a goofy article but this is the one thing you should take seriously. ASK PERMISSION FIRST!)

I don't know who these people are suppose to be
nor how to Google it.

Maybe you bought some tickets for "events" which are just games for you to try out. A game you've always wanted to play or don't play enough. Here's your chance! You get teamed up with a bunch of strangers you've never met and within 5 minutes of the game you'll get annoyed because THEY TAKE FUCKING FOREVER TO MOVE JESUS CHRIST JUST MOVE ALREADY!!! GAH!!!! But you'll never see them again so it's all good.

One event I do recommend is watching The Dice Tower Live. The Dice Tower is a YouTube channel devoted to board games and the people that play them. Every year, they do a live show and every one I've gone to was hilarious and full of good information. Last years live show was great. You got to hear the guy who designed Ticket To Ride say the F-word at a show aimed for families.

If you came with some friends or whatever, you can play games! There's a giant ass hall filled with tables that you can use to play games. And this hall is pretty much open 24/7 all four days. Play games. Play all the games!! Sleep? You'll sleep when you die from the diabetes you'll get from drinking nothing but Mountain Dew all weekend long! GAME NOW!!!

Another thing to know each day more and more people show up. So by Saturday, there's roughly the population of Bulgaria walking around a room the size of a New York City Studio Apartment. You will be walking slow, you will bump into people, and you will grow to hate the fucking people who bought strollers. STROLLERS ARE THE DEVIL!

That's Reminds Me. Can I Bring My Kid?

How old is your kid? If they're younger than 18 I'm gonna say no. Kids at this place is a nightmare. They're small, they blend in, and they'll throw up all over famed game designer Eric M. Lang. Sure he'll say "it's ok" but he'll go home and design a moster dwarf troll that looks suspiciously like your kid. I'm gonna say leave them at home unless they can handle crowds OK.

Will There Be Food?

There's food in the convention center so if you've always wanted to pay $20 for a small slice of pizza and a thimble of Pepsi, boy do I have the place for you! There's also food trucks but that's outside and you want to maintain that deathly pale you've been working on since February. And it gets hot in Indianapolis. True fact: During the month of August, the entire city of Indianapolis teleports to the surface of the sun itself. And it doesn't teleport back until November.

Holy Crap, Is It Sunday Already? Where Did The Time Go?

You look up from your game of Jumanji: Legacy and realize it's Sunday at 3:55 PM. You then realize you've been wearing the same clothes you wore when you got off the plane on Wednesday. Your left hand is twitchy and somehow you lost a shoe. It's now time to pack up and head home. But you get to play one final game. The Game of How The Hell Am I Gonna Get All These Board Games On The Plane? Again, I live in Indianapolis so I don't have this issue. Good luck!

Every game I bought at GenCon last year. I've only played 2 of them so far.

When all is said and done, you'll come home with a bunch of memories, new friends, new games, no money, and bad breath. But after you recover, you'll be back on GenCon's website saying to yourself "Sigh...only 364 more days to go."
-Jason